by Anthony Fernandez, January 18th, 2014
Welcome everyone! It's your local AP fiend Anthony Fernandez here, ready to ruffle some feathers (and hopefully provide a little entertainment.) I wrote most of this on my planning period at school today, and I'll proofread it once I get my kids home with a few read throughs and revisions. This article is a Power Rankings, but serves as a revision of a previous thing I did way back in GZL... where I themed the Power Rankings after something that interested me. I think I've done TV shows, Coheed and Cambria songs, rock groups, actors... whatever. For this one, the music catalog of Simon & Garfunkel seemed to fit JUST right... even though I'm not the hugest fan of theirs. Perhaps I just feel the unbearable weight of expectations and impending doom as I prepare mentally for the thousands of ways my (7-1) team is going to blow this and miss the playoffs, and how if I had only listened to Breck and started BJ Symons against the Titans how I might be (8-0) right now. Oh well. Sorry if you're not a fan of S&G and you don't get the references. This is just for fun, so please don't take offense. You're all lovely GMs and are doing a great job. Enjoy! (Again, I'll proofread this when I'm home and settled in about an hour... I just wanted to post now so the article and hours of work isn't lost while I drive home!)
Scarborough Fair
#1 
Miami Dolphins | (8-0)
#2 
Arizona Cardinals | (7-1)
"Are you going to the Scarborough Fair? parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme, remember me to the one who lives there, she once was a true love of mine"
Ah, our two pals from across the pond. It's only fitting that after half the 2014 season is complete, the two best teams would be the same two GMs who battled it out in the Super Bowl just last year. The Cardinals got the better of that tilt, and I was TEMPTED to put them at 1 just for that... but ultimately the Dolphins just look too good. This team is a well oiled machine, and I think that after two years of being the bridesmaid, this might finally be their turn to hoist the Lombardi Trophy. The only loss between the two teams was a week 2 shutout of the Cardinals by the Seattle Seahawks, but the Dolphins on the other hand haven't had a single game decided by less than a touchdown since Week 1. Truly, the Dolphins are kicking the shit out of teams, like a good ol' fashioned UK ruffian of lore. The Dolphins have also stayed completely injury free, and while the Cardinals probably miss developing WR Michael Floyd, they haven't been THAT banged up either. If these teams keep their health, they are strong bets to potentially go BACK-TO-BACK in their conferences. We will learn a lot about the Cardinals this week, as they host my Cowboys in what SHOULD be a big win for them. As for the Dolphins, they have a remaining schedule where (unless there is an injury) they should be the favorite in EVERY game left. Will they go (16-0)? Has an SFL team ever done that? Time will tell, but I bet they drop at least one game along the way to take that pressure off them in the playoffs. But I'll be very surprised if they aren't (15-1) and eventually... Super Bowl Champions.
Old Friends
#3 
Cincinnati Bengals | (6-2)
#4 
Jacksonville Jaguars | (5-3)*
"the sounds of the city sifting through trees, settle like dust on the shoulders of the old friends, can you imagine us years from today, sharing a park bench quietly, how terribly strange to be 70"
Two of my old buddies, GM Brady Tinnin and GM Olly Ratjczak! I spent much of my youth in Madden leagues with these gents, and always greatly enjoyed their company. Now here we are, Brady has been "on the cusp" of greatness seemingly for the entire duration of my time in SFL, while the Jaguars seem to be that annual wildcard team that just can't close the deal. But at the halfway point, the Bengals have 6 wins, and the Jaguars would have had 6 wins if it weren't for some Madden BS that cost them a week 1 home game against my Cowboys. The Bengals have managed to stay afloat despite an unfortunate injury to QB Isaiah Stanback, or perhaps they'd be a few categories back with the Broncos, Ravens, or Colts, as multiple teams have suffered the injury bug at QB. Each roster is in great shape, but there is no doubt the Bengals have a nicer looking schedule remaining. The Jaguars, on top of only having 5 actual wins (not 6), still play the Giants, Dolphins, Colts and Titans. They also play teams like the Bills, Patriots, and Chiefs... who just aren't going to lay down for them. With the Ravens down a QB for the year behind Cincy, it would appear that both my old friends should make the playoffs... but Brady and his Bengals are more likely to win their division and compete for the #2 seed. The Jags will likely fit in on Wild Card weekend, once again. Will their luck be better this time around?
Homeward Bound
#5 
New Orleans Saints | (6-2)
#6 
Tennessee Titans | (5-3)
#7 
New York Giants | (5-3)
"every day's an endless stream, of cigarettes and magazines, and each town looks the same to me, the movies and the factories, and every stranger's face I see, reminds me that I long to be... homeward bound, I wish I was"
Ah, who doesn't long to be at home?? Especially post-pandemic. I’ll chill at the house EVERY day and love it. These three teams, however, enjoy it more than others! They are a combined ( 11-0 ) at home, which is fueling fast starts for all three franchises. Unfortunately, however, the three have combined for a ( 5-8 ) road record. The Titans have FIVE home games left in the season, so you have to feel very confident about their ability to secure their 6th win and get GM Apolo Shapiro OFF the hot seat. I don't know that I'd call it a "lock", but it's about as close as it gets. The Titans are totally full of young talent, and also have three picks in the 1st round of the upcoming draft (Cowboys, Texans, and their own). They COULD have had the Browns 1st instead of Dallas, but GM Shapiro (like most of SFL) doubted Dallas were going to be anything but doormats. The Saints have surprised many this year by taking control of the NFC South, and it's been fueled by their league best rushing attack (148.6 yards per game). On top of the sound rushing attack, they also are only allowing 17.6 points per game (3rd best), largely because of their ability to control the clock and keep their defense rested. The Saints schedule over the back half is not THAT tough, and it's hard to imagine them not winning 11 or 12 games and winning the South. As for the Giants? What is there to say about them that I already haven't? The Giants are the reigning NFC Least Champs, and even though we're two games ahead of them (with the H2H tiebreaker), no lead will ever feel safe. This is a super talented team that could easily finish with 11 or 12 wins... a figure I'm not sure we'll be able to match in Dallas. A lot will be decided in NEW YORK week 13, when the division leading Cowboys come to town for what could decide who among these two teams will be competing for the division... and who will be competing for a Wild Card. The easy bet is Rivers and the Giants. As a sidebar, if you haven't watched the HBO show
The Leftovers, I highly recommend it. Easily a top 10 show of all-time for me. Only three seasons, so not a huge time sink, and easily the greatest jump in quality from one season to the next of any show ever, as Season 2 of the Leftovers was ELITE after Season 1 kinda drug along. Anyway, this show has one of the best versions of "Homeward Bound" you'll find on the internet. Just an outstanding, gut wrenching rendition of the song during a karaoke scene as a man tries to escape purgatory and return to life to save his family and loved ones.
Baby Driver
#8 
Dallas Cowboys | (7-1)
#9 
Minnesota Vikings | (5-3)
"On video, that is the world champion, just completing his run, on the spectator side..."
It was hard not to go with
Mrs. Robinson as the song choice here, as Mrs. Robinson surely loves Cowboys cornerback Patrick Robinson, who went from riding the bench in Philly to inking a $40.5 million dollar deal (with $16 million fully guaranteed). So far, Robinson has been ok, but I'm not sure 1 interception, 8 deflections, and 22 tackles is quite worth the price tag. His dependability in the slot has been appreciated, and Robinson will surely see year 2 of that contract in Dallas, but I wouldn't be surprised if at some point next season my Cowboys aren't looking for AP to trade Robinson cap-free if we aren't in the playoff hunt. But song choice aside, how do you NOT go with Baby Driver here? Here you have two veteran GMs, in charge of (so far) overachieving teams, both with a baby (sophomore) at the helm under center! Radical. Yes, when Matt Barkley was taken as the 1st QB off the board last year, I don't think anyone thought a year later he'd be stashed on a new team, while the next two QBs to be taken (Mike Glennon and Tyler Wilson) would be contributing to teams in the playoff hunt. Now the Vikings have been platooning Wilson with veteran Drew Brees (not popular in Dallas), and the Cowboys have given veteran mentor BJ Symons some play. But the reality is both of these GMs have every intention of trying to roll out the baby driver as many times this year as they can stomach to try and expedite the progression process. That is a scary proposition, as with the year winding down, the closer we get to playoff potential and division championships, the more likely these clubs are to just abandon the youngsters and take a swing for the Super Bowl. Personally, I don't think either team is a serious contender to make a deep playoff run this year, HOWEVER, I don't think anyone can deny that BEYOND the quarterback position, these teams are stacked with young talent drafted in the top 3 rounds of the last two drafts. If these two teams continue on this trajectory, it will be hard to not see them competing at a VERY high level for years to come.
Bookends
#10 
Denver Broncos | (5-3)
#11 
Baltimore Ravens | (5-3)
"time it was, and what a time it was, it was a time of innocence, a time of confidences. long ago, it must be, I have a photograph, preserve your memories; they're all that's left you"
Imagine being (5-3) and near the top of your division at the midway point... and also knowing that your franchise quarterback is on the shelf, injured for the rest of the year. We have seen GM Tom Collins waffle back and forth on discord trying to find a suitable replacement for a promising season... but he's yet to pull the trigger and I doubt he does. The Ravens have handled it with more class, and are poised to just give the Bengals hell with the backup. Ultimately, it remains to be seen if either team will have enough juice to pull out a division win or even make the playoffs, but I am rooting for both of them. The reality is that SOME of these teams in the Top 11 are going to collapse... and while I'm fully prepared to be one of them, somebody is probably coming with me. Will it be the Broncos? Or the Ravens? Could they BOTH fall out of playoff contention? Either way, tough back halves of the schedule have each team poised to bookend their (5-3) start with POTENTIALLY a (3-5) back half that will leave them .500 and wondering about what could have been.
The Boxer
#12 
Philadelphia Eagles | (5-3)
#13 
Indianapolis Colts | (4-4)
#14 
San Francisco 49ers | (4-4)
#15 
Oakland Raiders | (4-4)
#16 
Chicago Bears | (4-4)
#17 
Carolina Panthers | (4-4)
"in the clearing stands a boxer, and a fighter by his trade, and he carries the reminders, of every glove that laid him down, or cut him till he cried out, in his anger and his shame, I am leaving, I am leaving, but the fighter still remains"
Here they are folks - this year's batch of "contenders!" Every time I do these articles, at least back when I was in GZL, I loved to put a block of 5-8 teams rightttt around the 12, 13, etc.. range. That is because halfway through a season, there are always a cluster of teams who, regardless of how much you analyze the roster, you really have NO idea how good they are or not. The interesting part is that of these six boxers - the Eagles, Colts, 49ers, Raiders, Bears and Panthers - some of them WILL make the playoffs. Some of the WILL miss. It's just the reality of it. As I've already stated, I think the Chargers or Lions could make the playoffs still below these teams. Then factor in that if the 11 above these six make the playoffs, that only leaves ONE spot. The reality is that every team in the top 11 WON'T make the playoffs. Hell, my Cowboys could be the team to fall. But who else will gets KNOCKED OUT? The Eagles have been playing very good and have a game advantage on the rest of the pack. For a 5-win team, however, the Eagles are 21st in the league in points scored, and are still giving up 22 points a game. That's a very small margin of error for a team that still must play the Titans, Colts, Panthers, Giants, and Cowboys. That said, IF they beat the winless Redskins this week, they close the season against a Falcons team that will SURELY be shut down thinking about draft position. So that's 7 wins? It would take a pretty epic collapse from Philly to NOT win 9 or 10 games. So they're probably in the playoffs. The Colts will be without David Carr for the next 6 weeks, and Meachem the rest of the season... but Carr WILL eventually come back. The schedule is absolutely BRUTAL for them, as they get the Bengals, Dolphins, and Cowboys on top of division games against the Titans and Jaguars. Could they get to 10 wins? For sure, but a 9-win wild card run seems like a more likely prospect. The 49ers and Bears have been so hot and cold. Some weeks I think these are Super Bowl contenders, some weeks I wonder if they'll make the playoffs at all. The Panthers got started SO hot, but have cooled in recent weeks. An assist from pops down in Tampa (beating the Saints) has them a tiny bit closer, but they really can't afford any more letdowns. If dad lays down for them this week, they have the Rams and Redskins next, so COULD be (7-4) when they get ready for the Eagles and Giants game that WILL have an impact on which of those three teams makes the playoffs. It's a total cluster right now, but this group is jam packed with potential and promise. It's just unfortunate to know that half of them will likely miss the playoffs.
Cecilia
#18 
Detroit Lions | (4-4)
#19 
San Diego Chargers | (3-5)
"Cecilia, you're breaking my heart, you're shaking my confidence daily"
Last year in a scramble to accumulate Activity Points and rid myself of the Nnamdi Asomugha contract (c'mon Will, you KNEW I was going to fit that in here), I penned a column about
Quarterback Power Rankings that essentially ranked every quarterback based on a bevy of factors that ultimately boiled down to... which QB has the most VALUE. Who were #1 and #2 in that column? Sam Bradford of the Detroit Lions, and Brady Quinn of the San Diego Chargers. Here we are at the halfway point of the very next season, and these two QBs that are freaking developed man, they are READY TO GO, are leading a (3-5) and a (4-4) team. This has certainly shaken my confidence as to all I thought I had "figured out" about QBs in SFL. Are these guys NOT as perfect as they appear on paper? Each guy just got huge money contracts... and both guys have been on a trade block in the last 12 months. What is stopping these guys from putting these teams in the Miami Dolphin category? I wish I knew. On paper, there is SO much to love about these teams. But time and time again this season, they have come up short. After an (0-2) start, the Lions have battled back to .500 - and the once (1-5) Chargers have won two in a row. So yes... there is a little bit of hope shining in. Based off of instability at the top of each of these divisions, I simply cannot rule out either of these teams winning their respective divisions. Will it be easy? Of course not. But Quinn and Bradford are going to have to start playing like WINNERS. They are each playing like Pro Bowlers... Quinn is Top 10 in passing yards and QB Rating, while Bradford is Top 10 in touchdowns and QB Rating. Yet, neither can break .500, while shitty Mike Glennon and BJ Symons have the Cowboys at (7-1). Its a conundrum, for sure. The Lions, per usual, have no draft picks in the upcoming draft, so there is a little more pressure for them to succeed this year. The Chargers have the Jets 1st (potentially top 3), the Patriots (top 10 maybe), plus their own. They'll be fine. Or as GM William Cook once told me, "shut up and worry about your own team, I'm smarter than you and will figure it out!" Or something like that.
Faking It
#20 
New England Patriots | (4-4)
#21 
Buffalo Bills | (4-4)
#22 
St. Louis Rams | (4-4)
"I'm not really makin' it, this feeling of fakin' it, I still haven't shaken it"
THE BUFFALO BILLS! My inspiration for the column! GM Brandon Lindgren (accurately) pointed out that if we had made a Power Rankings at the start of the season, Buffalo would have probably been near the bottom of MOST lists. Despite that, this team is .500 at the midway point with losses to the Dolphins and Vikings, who are definitely solid teams. Coming off of a 27-0 domination of the Green Bay Packers, there is no way to cut it - these Bills are not bad. Just a couple years into the Andre Woodson experiment, the Bills are surely hoping to get some stability at the position this year, and it is just an extra nickel in their pocket if the New York Jets (who traded him away) have question marks at Quarterback, too. I still think the Bills have a ton of work to do roster-wise... they don't really have a running back, their receivers are B's and C's, their offensive lineman look like turnstiles (18 sacks), and their offense is 27th in the league in turnovers. Despite everything I just said, they own their first round pick, and have $46 million in cap space to spend this offseason, so this could be a team that turns the corner soon. But for now? They're faking it. Same as the Patriots, who appeared like they were going to have a Cinderella season with rookie Derek Carr, before his year got cut short. The team has won their last two, against very good teams (Minnesota and Indy), to stop a 4-game skid, but the Dolphins, Jags, Titans, Lions, and Bears all remain on the schedule. Thankfully the next two games are the Jets and Packers, so maybe they get to (6-4) to continue "faking it", before eventually falling out of the playoff picture. I hope I'm wrong though, as I love GM Redford and think this team has a lot of potential. As for the Rams, they have clearly proven they are no longer the WORST team in football with Booty back, but they are still pretty raw. They had a lot of high draft picks last year where they added good talent to the team... but I still am not a believer that they've turned the corner. I wouldn't be surprised to see this team finish around (7-9), and then potentially make a run in a couple years when these young players develop on offense.
I Am A Rock
#23 
Seattle Seahawks | (3-5)
"a winter's day, in a deep and dark December, I am alone, gazing from my window to the streets below"
The Seahawks are one of the more polarizing teams in the league. They had all the offseason hype after "winning" the SFL Draft, and then followed that up with a (3-0) start... but then lost five games in a row to fall to (3-5). With the Cardinals surging, the other two teams in their division at .500, and seemingly three teams in the NFC East looking like legit playoff hopefuls... it might be a tall task to get this Seahawks team into the playoffs. Thankfully GM Rock Hewko has his draft picks, so if the bottom falls out, they will end up with a nice draft pick and can continue their great drafting rebuild. I'm a fan of Rock, and this song was too perfect not to give them their own category, but ultimately it's been a pretty forgettable 2014 for them so far. Two 49ers games, a Rams game, and a Cardinals game left on the schedule gives them a sliver of hope. But will we see the Seahawks who SHUTOUT the (7-1) Cardinals? Or the Seahawks who are giving up 30-40 points a game?
Sound Of Silence
#24 
Kansas City Chiefs | (3-5)
"hello darkness, my old friend, I've come to talk to you again"
Do you hear that? Is that Chiefs GM Rodany Mendez calling me his bitch?!? Nah, not this time. That's utter silence, following a rough (3-5) start. And the sound is beautiful! Just kidding. To Rod's credit, I haven't even sent him a shitty offer for Eli Manning, Matt Jones, or Calvin Johnson this year, so he really hasn't had a reason to call me his bitch. As far as the on-field production goes, the losses here are a field goal loss to the 6-win Bengals, a field goal loss to the 7-win Cardinals, a field goal loss in Pittsburgh where the Chiefs actually won the turnover battle 3-1 but still lost, a 5-point loss in Denver against a 1st place Broncos team, and this week in St. Louis where rookie WRs literally bent them over two separate games. Obviously five losses suck, but wins over the 49ers, Chargers, and Seahawks show this team is good enough at home to do some damage in the back half of the season. The Chiefs have four home games left, and the division leader is a (5-3) Broncos team so desperate for a replacement QB that they are a week away from offering sexual favors just to not start Sorgi. I'm not saying the Chiefs are going to win the AFC West - I'm just saying don't be surprised if Eli can return to MVP form and the Chiefs make it interesting. For them to have a chance, however, they almost surely need an upset this week in Miami against the undefeated Dolphins. Maybe they can catch GM Roberts looking past them to the tilt with GM Wintermute next week, but if the Chiefs fall to (3-6), it'll be easy to start thinking about next year... even without their own 1st round pick.
Save The Life Of My Child
#25 
Tampa Bay Buccaneers | (2-6)
"a boy sat on the ledge, an old man who had fainted was revived, and everyone agreed it would be a miracle indeed"
Bryan Mellon, the three-time Super Bowl Champion who is holding my favorite team the Tampa Bay Buccaneers hostage, is having a rough year. Frankly, it seems like he's lost his mojo. For as long as I've been here, which I admit is not long, he's been a larger-than-life personality that is better than most GMs, and has no problem telling them that. Tampa was a few plays away from beating the eventual Super Bowl Champion Cardinals in the playoffs last year, and MAY have come that close to winning their 4th Super Bowl. Now? They're a (2-6) team with one of their wins coming against the lowly Falcons. The other win, however, was this week against a very good (division leading) New Orleans Saints team. Maybe I'm just suffering from recency bias (or fear that they're on my schedule in a couple weeks) - but couple those facts with Mellon's pedigree and I had to separate this team from the next group of similar teams like the Steelers, Packers, and Browns. We will see over the last 8 weeks if I'm right or wrong... but with them not having their own 1st round pick, they have NO incentive to shut it down. The more likely scenario is Bryan goes all out and does what he has to do to help his son Phil win the NFC South. Beating the Saints this week was a good 1st step. As bad as things are this year in Tampa, as a father myself, I know there is nothing Bryan enjoys more than seeing his son succeed. The Panthers have cooled off a little bit, but I still have them making the playoffs and making pops proud.
Hazy Shade Of Winter
#26 
Pittsburgh Steelers | (3-5)
#27 
Green Bay Packers | (2-6)
#28 
Cleveland Browns | (2-6)
"look around, the leaves are brown, and the sky is a hazy shade of winter, hang on to your hopes my friend, that's an easy thing to say, but if your hopes should pass away, simply pretend that you can build them again"
First off, can we say that this song is an absolute freaking BANGER? Like I enjoy Simon & Garfunkel if I'm feeling down, or want to appreciate some good song writing, or whatever... but they have very few songs in the catalog that are just absolute BANGERS. And this is one of them! "Time, time, time... see what's become of me? While I look around for my possibilities, I was so hard to please." C'mon. Outstanding lyrics that very accurately portray what it might be rooting for one of these underachieving teams, in their cold ass cities. All blue collar towns, and even blue collar GMs. But without a doubt, underachieving. We could talk assets to cheer up fans as the playoffs approach, but that is a bit twisted up as well. The Browns had traded their 1st Round Pick on draft day, but recently reacquired it (thankfully) so they have some control over how this season will play out. The Steelers, unfortunately, DO NOT have their own 1st Round Pick... but they DO have the Green Bay Packers 1st Rounder... so should be picking at about the same spot. On top of that the Steelers also have the Panthers, Colts, Chiefs, AND Buccaneers 1st Round Picks... so this is a team that is under no illusion that things will not get turned around quick if GM Cohen can hit on a few of these picks. They jumped out to a (3-2) start and looked like maybe they were in line to overachieve this year, but three straight losses brought them back to earth. Thankfully, however, they just need to survive one more hazy winter in Pittsburgh and things will begin to turn around. As for the Packers, the once (2-0) team has lost SIX straight and now face a very tough uphill battle to get back into the division where Tyler Wilson is in 1st place. On paper the team has plenty to like... QB Matt Ryan, HB Mark Ingram, WR Demaryius Thomas, WR Riley Cooper, DT Aaron Donald, RE Michael Johnson, LB Khaseem Greene... and so forth. But ultimately I just don't believe they have a defense that can keep them in games. They are currently giving up 135 rushing yards per game (4th worst in SFL), and are in the bottom half of the league in takeaways. Ultimately the more you peel back of the onion it begins to paint a picture of a team that you understand why GM Hickman was fine entering the transfer portal last offseason... and more importantly... why ZERO teams joined him there to go to Green Bay. Without their own 1st Round Pick, it appears they are in this for at least another 1.5 years, but if they want to compete in a tough NFC North, they're going to have to get better defensively. As bad as the rush defense has been, the pass defense has actually OVERACHIEVED, as on paper, they are quite raw. As for the Browns, having their own 1st rounder back doesn't solve ALL their problems. Despite an amazing draft with two future stud Defensive Backs, they still need to DEVELOP those guys, which can be painful. With Schaub entering his "he's better off just as a mentor" phase, they will also need a plan at QB before long. It will be a long winter for fans in Cleveland, Pittsburgh, and Green Bay.
He Was My Brother
#29 
Atlanta Falcons | (2-6)
#30 
Houston Texans | (2-6)
"Freedom Rider, they cursed my brother to his face, go home outsider, this town's gonna be your buryin' place"
Coming in at 30/31 is everyone's favorite Aussie brother pair, the Pearce brothers. Wade and Garth are staples of Madden leagues, and thinking back, I can't remember a time that they were BOTH doing so poorly simultaneously this deep into the season. The Falcons, in particular, have had a very stark drop since they won a Super Bowl (GMless at the time, I believe) just two seasons ago. But they are also fresh off of an amazing draft class (Norwood is a beast) and are still in possession of their 1st round pick, so they get the slight nudge here for the higher ranking, even if all metrics seem to indicate the Texans are slightly better on paper. But in reality? If you caught that Texans @ Giants game yesterday, you saw a team in disarray. The defense did their job keeping it close as long as they could, but Medium-Sized C*ck Brock Osweiler looked completely overmatched. Despite being a recent top 14 pick, with a 6'7" frame like Glennon, decent awareness for a guy so young (79), and a strong enough arm... he had 1 completion for -4 yards at halftime. Honestly... it was terrifying, as a team whose best case scenario is that Glennon looks similar on paper by year 3. Clearly, we've got a long way to go with Glennon, as I don't know how you watch that game and think, "this is fun!" To add to the nightmare, wide receiver Jason Hill suffered a serious injury that should take him OUT of trade talks for the season. He's not expiring... but he'll be 29 years old next year and a year away from regression... so the value he had this week might have been as high as it was getting, and it's probably just going to be greater for the Texans to just hang onto him at this point. So there goes a potential outlet for draft capital, which is tough because they are without their own draft pick so won't even benefit from a Top 10 pick for their troubles. CB Patrick Peterson also found the trade block this week, so perhaps they'll net a couple 1sts for him... but then they'll need to replace him, and develop his replacement, and the cycle continues. They have 2 years left on their GM contract, and you almost have to wonder if it doesn't start seeming like an easier situation to just abandon and start over. Either way, expect them to be on the hot seat next year, along with brother Garth. Both of these guys are talented, competent GMs, so I won't be surprised if they steady the ship and are FINE next year... but if I was a gambling man, I'd say like in the song, one of these brothers gets killed (fired), and it'll probably be Wade in Houston.
The Only Living Boy In New York
#31 
New York Jets | (1-7)
"I know your part'll go fine, fly down to Mexico, and here I am, the only living boy in New York"
General Manager Kevin Mullendore and his New York Jets
appear to be in offseason mode, which is to be expected when you start off with the bad luck they've had and fall to (1-7). That said - there is not a SINGLE GM I trust more to run a team than Mr. Mullendore - so I'm not worried about this at all. The organization will go through the façade next year of putting him on the "hot seat", but Kev will not leave until he's ready to leave. He could rattle off six wins this year if he wanted, but I'd bet he's already booking his summer Cancun trip and getting ready with big thoughts about how they plan to spend the #1 overall draft pick (courtesy of the Washington Football Team). I will admit that when I was originally looking for lyrics, I almost picked the "I've got nothing to do today but smile" line, because I thought they had not only the Washington 1st Rounder, but also their own, and were about to lock down picks #1 and #2 in the draft. Unfortunately, the Jets traded their own pick to San Diego, which stings a little, but I feel pretty confident this team was NOT planning on being (1-7) at the halfway point, either. Ultimately though, they'll have their pick of the best player in the draft, and they still have a wealth of good draft capital... not to mention a roster that is already overflowing with amazing youth that they've drafted since they arrived in New York. The Jets will be fine.
Bridge Over TroublED Waters
#32 
Washington Football Team | ( 0-8 )
"oh when darkness comes, and pain is all around"
Can't spell "Bridge Over Troubled Waters" without Ted Bridgewater. The pick that everyone loved on draft day, myself included, has certainly turned into an unmitigated nightmare for GM Bill Ryan and the Washington Football Team. Anytime you do a Power Rankings column, there is always so much conjecture and opinion - but I think if you polled all 32 General Managers right now, Washington would have 32 votes that they are the worst team in SFL at this moment. All of that said, they are a roster that DOES have quite a bit of talent on it, and Teddy Bridgewater is a super talented 22 year old that WILL be very good in this league. My biggest gripe with the move is I just don't think it was that well thought out. On draft day it appeared to be one of the steals of the draft, but the move looks less calculated by the day, and more like something the franchise lucked into. If the plan is to start a 22-year old rookie quarterback, to not have your own pick is indefensible. And I say that as a guy who literally DID that last year, and expected/deserved the criticism. We needed a miraculous (5-1) finish to close out 2013 to save it from being one of the most laughable decisions I've made in decades of Madden leagues. So the idea that Washington could finish with the #1 overall pick and Kevin Mullendore's New York Jets might actually be making the selection... that's a tough pill to swallow. In fact, if it were
ME, I'd almost consider starting Carson Palmer to try and get a few wins just out of spite. But Bill is a nicer guy than me. Looking over the roster, and having just played them for the 2nd time this year, I saw a team that WANTS to rely on Musa Smith, but can't quite figure out how to limit Bridgewaters' mistakes. Even this young in his career, Bridgewater and his 70 awareness SHOULD give him the edge on Glennon... but Glennon has outplayed him twice. What I saw in sims this week, and again in the actual game, was a quarterback in Bridgewater whose best shot at completing big passes are over the top to his huge wide receivers... but his 87 throw power is limiting him and preventing him from being able to hit those routes. Time and time again, my guys would be trailing but would easily deflect (or intercept) his passes. Ultimately we took the ball away six times in two games, and we had another interception that was called back for pass interference. The Redskins will have to find a way to have him hitting underneath passes and slants, as right now his arm strength is just not where it needs to be, and his awareness (while good for a rookie) still needs work. Statistically he's doing fine... he already has about as good a year as Glennon had last year, and he's still got half the season left to pad stats. He'll get progression and the mentor boost, and perhaps next year they'll at least have the security of owning their own pick while they develop TB. I'm just sure it's gotta be frustrating to have Carson Palmer, who could legit start for any team in the league, sitting on the bench while the offense constantly stalls or shoots itself in the foot. At one point in the game last week, we had got our 5th sack (plus numerous more big hits), and I was worried that we would knock Bridgewater out of the game, causing Palmer to come in and kick our ass. That's a dynamic that you can stomach if there is a #1 overall pick at the end of the rainbow... but in this case, they won't even have a pick in the top SIXTY picks. It will be an interesting offseason in DC, home of the three time Super Bowl Champions.
Thanks for reading! Maybe I'll revisit this after another 4 games or so with a new theme. I think my favorite one of all time was TV Shows, so maybe that will be my pivot? Either way, I hope you enjoyed this and didn't take offense to anything I said - I'm just a GM of a young, shitty team that's trying to earn some AP to make them better!
