by Anthony Fernandez, May 12th, 2015
Well that was a first. I posted and it was TOO long. Cut off a bunch. Glad I had it saved to Wordpad. Here is the rest. All that got lost was my caption for the Browns, which I'll update right after I take this block to recess.
Deadwood
#17 
Oakland Raiders | (4-4) | Last Rank: 31st 
(+14)
"Pain or damage don't end the world. Or despair or f-cking beatings. The world ends when you're dead. Until then, you got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man, and give some back."
The Raiders... the biggest riser in the 2Q going up 14 spots (narrowly edging out the Bucs who went up 13). Good month for pirates. The Raiders flipped the script, going from (0-4) in Q1 to (4-0) in Q2. They have the Bears and Vikings the next two weeks... and the Broncos shortly after, but if they can get through Q3 at (2-2), this team could f-ck around and make the playoffs. They finish with the Packers, Jaguars, and Chargers... three teams all ranked in the 20s on League Pulse. You can see a path for 9 (or 10) wins, which is pretty crazy after an (0-4) start. On top of that, they've been shedding some big contracts and some vets, and gaining assets, so they've been getting BETTER while simultaneously setting themselves up for success in the future. Love to see it. I don't think the Raiders are a team anyone wants to see in the playoffs. Kind of like Swearengen (or Bullock) on Deadwood. Kick ass and take names. Great show. Not politically correct at all, which is probably why it doesn't get talked about much. Kind of crazy to think that in 2019 they made a MOVIE followup with the catch phrase, "Welcome the f-ck back." That's a good slogan for the Raiders in the AFC playoff race.
The Righteous Gemstones
#18 
Kansas City Chiefs | (4-4) | Last Rank: 18th 
(+/-0)
“You see, a foe can plan your destruction, but only a loved one can break your heart.”
Fun show. Fun quote. Fun family. Fun
team? I'm not completely sold on it, but hell this team is winning more games that I thought they would. Gemstones was a show about a "tightknit" family unit, so it's only fitting it gets the nod here for the family that somehow pumped out a Lions fan and a Giants fan from the same crop of kids. One of those fan bases is a little more tortured than the other, and perhaps that's why Rod has developed a quick wit self defense that sometimes comes off a little "asshole-ish". He's grown on me though, and while I'm sure I'm not his cup of tea, I think he's building something in KC. The stem of most of our issues in the past was over an evaluation of QB Eli Manning. And it has played out that I was definitely wrong on that. Rod was able to get a couple more years of competitive play from Eli, and then later was STILL able to get way more than I thought he was worth years prior. It was humbling, but sometimes that's good for personal growth. I was surprised to see the team hit the reset button at QB, but Tannehill has a LOT of promise. I think they won that trade big time, especially seeing that Eli has not quite got the Falcons over the finish line. Tyler Lockett may be the steal of the draft. This team has some things cooking. I don't really buy them as a threat THIS year... but I think Tannehill WILL take them to the promised land in the next few years. If you haven't seen Gemstone and like Danny McBride (or raunchy comedies), it's very entertaining.
True Detective
#19 
New Orleans Saints | (4-4) | Last Rank: 20th (+1)
“It’s Thursday and it’s past noon. Thursday is one of my days off. On my days off I start drinking at noon. You don’t get to interrupt that.”
If True Detective is going to be ranked THIS low, I probably shouldn't have used Season 1 pic or quote, as Season 1 is one of the single best seasons of TV ever. Absolutely loved it, and I still go back and revisit "alright alright alright" and "natural born killer" searching down the Yellow King in Carcosa at least once a year. The tracking scene a few episodes in is cinematic brilliance. The turn to Rust Cohle at the end was epic, and the quote here is one of my favorite ever. As for the Saints, who share a geographic location with the show, they are one of the most difficult teams to read. The lose two (ugly), they win two (impressively). They lose two (ugly), they win two (impressive). Hell, they beat the 49ers. I don't have ANY read on this team whatsoever. I kind of like them as the #3 team in the South, but I'd believe anything you told me about them. They have a stretch where they play the Falcons, Cardinals and Eagles in back to back weeks, and then close the season in Chicago, who might have a BYE week wrapped up. Would it be crazy to see this team go (1-3) over the next four, and then sweep the last month to finish (9-7)? Jekyl and Hyde all day. If any of you True Detectives have any clue on how to read this team, by all means, post it in the comments.
The Sopranos
#20 
New York Giants | (3-5)| Last Rank: 13th 
(-7)
"You know, Tony, it's a multiple-choice thing with you. 'Cause I can't tell if you're old-fashioned, you're paranoid, or just a f---ing a--hole."
The Sopranos is one of the best shows ever, and seemed fitting for the New York Giants. I don't fancy Romeo as Tony though, hence the Carmella quote (talking to Tony "Soprano" Fernandez.) I'm sure he thinks I'm a f---ing a---hole. And despite all the struggles the Giants have had this year, we all know they'll kill Tony (me) in the end, just like every other season. Another great quote I almost used from the show here was Junior saying,
"You steer the ship the best way you know. Sometimes it's smooth. Sometimes you hit the rocks. In the meantime, you find your pleasures where you can." The Giants are going to have to make some tough choices in the coming seasons... but if they keep drafting as good as they did last year (dammit), they're going to be just fine. If for some reason you never watched Sopranos, I definitely recommend it. I rewatch the entire series about once every other year.
Curb Your Enthusiasm
#21 
Dallas Cowboys | (4-4) | Last Rank: 25th (+4)
“I don’t like to say anything good. I feel like I’ll jinx myself.”
Hey, this one is just for me anyway, so I'll save words here. If you want more insight into the Cowboys - read the Colts ranking - which somehow got co-op'd into a Cowboys post? Sorry about that. Yes, the Cowboys have won three in a row, but there is plenty of reason to curb our enthusiasm. We've seen this script before. The Giants are about to push our shit in, tie up the division, and they'll pull away in the 3rd and 4th quarter. No reason to get excited, but plenty of reason to watch this show... one of the best ever.
The Leftovers
#22 
Houston Texans | (4-5) | Last Rank: 17th (-5)
"Well, I've been kinda wandering around Australia on vacation. Kinda gettin' off the grid. Kinda avoidin' the touristy stuff."
The Leftover is one of the most underappreciate shows of all time. AMAZING acting, intriguing writing. There are lots of good shows on this list, but few that follow this arc. The first season of Leftovers? Not great. I don't know if there has EVER been a series of TV that went from such an underwhelming first season only to have a Hall of Fame 2nd season like this did. The Texans, in a way, are trying to have the same result. They sucked last year. They had a Hall of Fame offseason, and now this year they are... better. They have lost some winnable games, but they look very likely to get the wins they need to save their job. The division is even close enough that they could mess around and GAIN years on the contract. We shall see. You should all watch the Leftovers though. Or atleast check out the "Homeward Bound" song on YouTube.
Entourage
#23 
San Diego Chargers | (3-5) | Last Rank: 15th (-8 )
“Let’s hug it out, b-tch.”
The boss man! From (2-1) to (3-5) is certainly tough, but they had to know this was possible when they dealt Brady Quinn. The idea is that they'll be setup to succeed in the next couple years... which is good for ME, a GM who is building something long-term. You always want your Commish to be thinking past the current season. As someone who has carried that heavy burden, I knew the burnout and the burden of the role, and I've felt it at times for him. It's tough, and I wish I was in a position to help him more... but hopefully he at least sees all the content I'm pumping out in an attempt to increase activity in his baby as a plus. It was the part I probably missed the most about these leagues... even when you're up against a tough imaginary self imposed deadline like I am right now. But I enjoy writing. I am hopeful, that in the near future, I'll be able to write happier things about this Chargers team. As for the quote... Will as Commish often has to end up as mediator. He's good at it. He's very fair, and he sees all sides. It's an exhausting job, but I'm glad he's the guy in the role.
Euphoria
#24 
Cleveland Browns | (3-5) | Last Rank: 23rd (-1)
"Plenty of great, intelligent, funny, interesting, and creative people have struggled with the same things you struggle with."
When LP cut off my article because it was too long, this caption was lost. Real bummer. But to sum it up, I like Ian a lot. My old PTI host! The Browns are for sure struggling right now. It's depressing to watch, like Euphoria the show, because I want them to succeed. I can't say with any confidence if the Browns will get off the Hot Seat this year, but I know I am rooting for them. The win last week vs. Seattle really helped them, and kept this from being a free fall in the rankings. Euphoria is a tough hang. Great acting, great writing, but difficult subjects. As a teacher, it's unsettling, but I'm for sure seeing the Euphoriacation of our youth play out in the school system. Not sure how to fix it. Just gonna keep teaching the ones I can.
Eastbound & Down
#25 
Atlanta Falcons | (3-5) | Last Rank: 32nd (+7)
"There have been many comebacks throughout history: Jesus was dead, but then came back as an all-powerful God zombie; Ryan O'Neal had his ups and downs, but is now back and better than ever. Well, my comeback is almost complete, and I can say that when it is complete, it will shake the pillars of this land or town. My story is the story of a raging Christ figure who tore himself off the cross and looked at the Romans, with blood in his eyes, and said, My turn now, c-cks-ckers."
What a quote. There are SO many quotes from this show that are hilarious. Yes, I did ultimately put the Braves legend Kenny Powers for the Falcons just for the Geographic convenience. He WAS famously rumored to be headed to Tampa to play for the Rays, so Mellon was in play. He also did a stint in Mexico, but Apolo needed dragons. So yes, the Falcons are EASTBOUND and DOWN. But they didn't have a completely awful 2nd Quarter. They are a little bit of toss up to get off the hot seat. This is a team that I could literally see getting fired... or completely turning it around and being a Super Bowl contender in a year or two... ya know, like they were without a GM. Watch the show for laughs, watch this Falcons comeback for inspiration.
The Duece
#26 
Buffalo Bills | (2-6) | Last Rank: 30th (+4)
“Just ’cause it looks easy, don’t mean that it is.”
Last year the Bills were awesome, and we joked about how it was just the START of the Bills empire. An AFC East team won the Super Bowl last year, but it wasn't Buffalo. And this year, the Jets and Dolphins are running away with the division and Wild Card. Where does that leave Buffalo? Probably looking towards next year... when they have a crazy number of expiring contracts. Should be an interesting offseason in Buffalo. Brandon has spent his whole career in Buffalo, but I wonder if they'd consider fleeing the Dolphins/Jets situation if the right team came available. As for the Deuce? It was a good show. I like Franco, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't pick this solely because this team took a deuce all over my expectations I had for them this year. I'm still rooting for that Bills Dynasty. Hope it starts soon.
The White Lotus
#27 
Jacksonville Jaguars | (2-6) | Last Rank: 22nd (-5)
"It's natural to want something new."
The Jaguars have recently went rebuild - but still have enough talented pieces to be competitive, and their division isn't that tough currently. Olly also is always traveling to exotic overseas places and making us all jealous, so the White Lotus seemed like a good fit. I personally love the concept of the show, and really enjoyed the first two seasons. Season 2 definitely was a little more my speed, but both were good. I had the Jaguars 1st, but sold the pick to control my own again. I think ultimately we're both probably (6-10) teams, but we shall see. I think as I type this they might be beating the SFL All Stars? Crazy. But I have to finish this article!
Westworld
#28 
Arizona Cardinals | (2-6) | Last Rank: 28th (+/-0)
"Winning doesn't mean anything unless someone else loses."
#29 
St. Louis Rams | (2-6) | Last Rank: 29th (+/-0)
"You can’t play God without being acquainted with the devil."
My friend Scott! I wish they were better than 28th, so I could have given them a proper full write up before I ran out of time. The Cardinals are one of the most dominant teams in the NFC during his tenure, but have had such bad luck this year. They are still a team that can win ANY game, and I suspect they'll have some nice surprise wins as the season winds down. Each of these teams has won TWO Super Bowls, and they've won the NFC West for all but THREE years of SFLs existence. That is crazy to me. It certainly appears that will change this year. The Cardinals will not get to 5 straight NFC West titles, and it looks like the VERY talented Rams roster is going to be up against the wall the last half of the season. But there is no doubt that Felipe is building a very talented team that will be good for a long time... if he just gets to see the plan through. I'm a little scared with both of us set for the hot seat next year. If we both get fired, he's a MUCH more popular option for the GM save than me, and as I've stated, I only have intentions of GMing the Cowboys here. So that could be the end of my run! I need a playoff berth! Normally the Cardinals are handing those out left and right, I wish Scott could spare one for me. Or at the very least, buy my a pint when I bring the family across the pond in a year or two to visit my moms birthspot of Shrewsbury... and tour the greater London area. As for the quotes, the Rams are going through Hell right now, but I think Heaven awaits. Not because they're getting fired, but they'll be a playoff team next year. As for the Cardinals, they are so used to winning, but as long as the 49ers or the Seahawks don't win a Super Bowl this year... the West(world) is still theirs. Promising show, never really delivered like it should. Some really crazy writing at various point. Some memorable scenes and moments, but I wish someone else could recut all the seasons and make it a better product.
The Last Of Us
#30 
New England Patriots | (2-7) | Last Rank: 24th (-6)
"I'm weak. Lately, there are these moments when the fear comes up outta nowhere and my heart feels like it's stopped."
The Patriots GM Briston recently did something I've never seen... he asked to NOT be notified when his team was playing. Apparently he can't resist to watch, if he knows, and it's too bad for his blood pressure. As a fellow GM that has put his stock in a young QB... I completely relate and empathize. I think Carr is going to be a stud, and the Patriots are going to be really good. That's a REALLY tough division, though. I hope Briston can resist the silver tongue of Breck to resist making Carr a Colt in the coming years, because if he sees his vision through in New England, I think he'll be happy. It's just going to take time. Right now, it might feel like he's traveling Boston through an apocolypse... much like in the amazing show Last of Us. He's Joel... the hardened man trying to protect the child... in this case Derek Carr. Will they make it to the promised land? Tune in in 2-3 years to find out.
Six Feet Under
#31 
Washington Football Team | (1-7) | Last Rank: 26th (-5)
“None of us know how long we’ve got, which is why we have to make each day matter.”
The Redskins must be ranked this low because of the record, but I want to be clear that they are much better than this ranking. On the Hot Seat, it's critical that they start winning soon, however, or they might find themselves six feet under. Could a guy like Bryan Mellon have the itch to come home, and does a Tampa Bay Bucs opening prove to be the ONLY thing that could allure AF out of Dallas? Neh. I bet Bill and AF are back next year, and I think Bill steals one (or two) games against Dallas this year to save their job. As for the show... I'm a Dexter fan, so you'd think I'd have watched it. It's on my list. But I can't really speak to it, it was just a great name for this header.
Chernobyl
#32 
Philadelphia Eagles | (1-7) | Last Rank: 27th (-5)
“The science is strong, but a test is only as good as the men carrying it out.”
This is it. The final team. I made it. A few hours late. Not much to say about the Eagles. They almost got the show SIX FEET UNDER just because I thought that is where Frank Clark was gonna put Glennon last week. The Eagles went nuclear at QB, hence Chernobyl though, and it's a tough position to not have a guy who can win. And a mid-60s guy might win some games, like he almost did last week, but it's still going to be a messy experiment. This would all be fine if they had their 1st, but right now they're just "winning" for Gary and his Steelers, who should have the [1.1] pick from this. Not ideal. But what is ideal? This show. Very good, even if it's a tough hang. I hope this article wasn't a tough hang. So sorry, put I'm publishing now, and will proofread later. Time to finish teaching and then play Zelda. Have a great weekend, SFL! I'm not even gonna watch the Giants kick my ass. Time to save Hyrule.
Thanks for reading! I will back to do another installment after Week 13. I hope you enjoyed this and didn't take offense to anything I said - I'm just a GM of a young, shitty team that's trying to earn some AP to make them better!
