It's been a few seasons since I made any predictions, so I figured it would be a good time to write a prediction article again. Only this time, it's with a twist. If I were familiar with -- or rather, tech-savvy enough to -- create and edit videos on TikTok or some platform, I would've done that, but alas I am not, and I have had a few adult beverages and decided to do an activity with my three dogs. I decided to bring out four of their favorite toys to represent each team in a division. I assigned each toy a number 1-4, and that number corresponds with the team that finished in that place in their division last year. Example for NFC East: 1 - Dallas, 2 - Washington, 3 - Philadelphia, 4 - New York. And the way it works in this exercise is that I allow the oldest dog to pick first. He goes and picks which toy he wants, and that team is who he's picking to win the division. The next dog picks who she thinks will finish second, and then the youngest picks between the remaining two toys for who he thinks finishes third. The toy that doesn't get picked is who they collectively decide will finish last. I did rotate toys for each division so that they wouldn't just pick the same toy each time (yes, they're spoiled assholes and have that many different toys). This is binding, so I apologize in advance for those teams who may have expected something much different for their teams. Or you're welcome, however you want to look at it. Without further ado, here are the decision makers: Meaty Pablo (division winners), Cardi P (second place finishers), and Nipsey Muscle (bronze medalists).
[b]For those that don't read the descriptions, these picks were decided by my dogs. Take it up with the three stooges if you have a problem with it! Lol[/b]
AFC WEST
1. Chargers
2. Raiders
3. Broncos
4 Chiefs
Making the case for this scenario: The trio of young stud CBs and weapons on offense carry Osweiler to repeat as division champs. Oakland's Chad Henne returns to 2014/2015 form, stays healthy and gets the most out of his explosive weapons. Growing pains with Lamar Jackson hinder the Broncos, but some breakout seasons from guys in defense help them win a few games. Chiefs QB Harnish has had a good run the past few seasons, but the Chiefs finishing last means he either gets injured, or he preemptively retires to focus on his family's auto dealerships. *Disclaimer: Cardi originally had selected the Chiefs, but then dropped it and then picked up the Raiders.
AFC NORTH
1. Ravens
2. Steelers
3. Bengals
4. Browns
Making the case for this scenario: Mr. GQ himself morphs into one of the leagues best quarterbacks, and a solid running game and defense carries them to the division crown. The offseason acquisitions come up huge for Pittsburgh with Brady Quinn turning back the clock, and guys like Dez Bryant being productive before regression. Bengals were quiet in free agency and look to be in development mode. Cleveland's age catches up with them, with guys aging and the young guns not quite being ready.
AFC SOUTH
1. Texans
2. Titans
3. Jaguars
4. Colts
Making the case for this scenario: I'll be honest here, the dogs didn't choose this division, I did. It'll be a tough road to win this division with Tennessee having won back-to-back AFC championships, and all signs point to them being great again. But this GM thinks there could be MVP-caliber seasons from Jonathan Stewart and Matt Ryan. The defense has potential, but they haven't quite put it all together yet, but this year is the year. The Titans will still be in the thick of it. Jacksonville will improve from last year, but being in this division, it'll be tough. Indianapolis is rolling with a young QB, but I expect they'll still surprise some teams and finish .500 or better.
AFC EAST
1. Dolphins
2. Jets
3. Patriots
4. Bills
Making the case for this scenario: Pablo chose the toy with an Oregon jersey, and that was a plant, since this GM is a huge fan of Marcus Mariota, and this year he takes another big leap for Daren. The Jets have made the playoffs just once in the last decade, so it feels like it's time they make a push for the playoffs. With Derek Carr at QB, it feels like the Pats would finish higher, but youth on defense is their downfall. And last, but not least Buffalo. Nipsey knew I was salty about being fired from Buffalo, so decided not to select them. AJ McCarron should be about ready for a big year, but he needs to stay healthy and upright.
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